 | Graham Fulton has been writing and performing poetry for 20 years. His previous collections include Humouring the Iron Bar Man and Knights of the Lower Floors published by Polygon, and Ritual Soup and other liquids published by Mariscat. His latest collection is Inner Circle from Controlled Explosion Press. |
Die Michael Palin, Die
to get his autograph for my girlfriend
because maybe she’ll like me a bit more
but he’s already
high
on the unconquered second floor
among the poetry and philosophy
and all the psychology doorstops
nobody in their right mind ever visits
with his snug blue jeans
and housewives’ choice smile
as he sits
and scribbles his way through
an Everest of copies
of his latest bestseller
and excites the ladies of all ages
who are queuing down the stairs
across the first floor
down
to the ground
as they hug their holy grail tickets
which only go up to 300
because after that you’re a no-one
and I’m 301 because I came too late
and he’s up above me
with his happiness and royalties
and wife and children and respect
and contentment and beguilingly-
Pythonesque-Lewis Carroll-Oxbridge-
footlights-punting-along-the-river-
with-a-lumberjack-shirted-yak-milking-
tradition of loveable English quirkiness
and next time I’ll bring a gun
and empty it into the back of his head
or push the heaving racks of Leonard
and Catullus and Milton and Pickard
and Rimbaud and Reznikoff and Poe
down on top of him or smudge him to death
with my copy of Catcher in the Rye
as I whisper Die Michael Palin, die